if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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