# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
