so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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