I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
