Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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