ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
