I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
