u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
