I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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