whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
