i think my mom watched the whole time
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
