your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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