My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
