Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
