just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
