these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
