She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
