i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
