you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
