What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
