Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
