I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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