After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
