And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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