Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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