never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
