I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
