I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
