i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
