You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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