My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize