At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
