he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
