You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
