This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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