I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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