Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
