A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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