stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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