mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you would pick up someone in the library
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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