i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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