so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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