I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
