do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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