He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
