eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
