dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
