True but thats because hes a fetus.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
