you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
