so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
