He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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