eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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