you guys were way drunker than both of me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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