Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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