last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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