Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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