k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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