every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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