sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
