wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
