If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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