Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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