This is not my ceiling
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So much Jack, so little girl.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
