You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
