my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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