That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
