margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
