So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
vagina is talking i cant
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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