you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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