I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
